


Under Duress

by darkkwater



Category: Numb3rs (TV)
Genre: Awkward Blow Jobs, Black Character(s), Blow Jobs, Extremely Dubious Consent, First Time Blow Jobs, Forced Orgasm, Fuck Or Die, Guilt, Kidnapping, M/M, Mutual Non-Con, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Public Blow Jobs, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rimming, Rough Sex, Secret Crush, Subterfuge, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-01-31 18:41:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21450898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkkwater/pseuds/darkkwater
Summary: David is damned if he does, and dead if he doesn't.
Relationships: Charlie Eppes/David Sinclair
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	1. A Way to Pass the Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Charlie are kidnapped together, and things deteriorate from there.

** Part 1: A Way to Pass the Time**

"We've got three hours until the ransom drop. Why doesn't this place have a TV?" 

"My phone's got no signal, either." 

"No shit, idiot. Do you want them tracking us? Get a brain." 

David kept his eyes down, avoiding accidental eye-contact with the kidnappers, and focused instead on what else he could sense. Somewhere an old fan was running, barely stirring the air in the large, concrete room where they were sitting. There were no other exterior sounds - machines, traffic, or wildlife \- confirming his suspicions that they were deep inside an abandoned industrial building. They hadn't traveled long enough to be outside LA County, so that narrowed down the possibilities. Not that there was much he could do even if he knew exactly where they were located. He was cuffed hand and foot to a chair that was bolted to the concrete floor. He shifted his weight minutely and verified that the both the cuffs and the chair were secure. The kidnappers continued to talk, but not about anything that David could use to verbally drive a wedge between them. 

All of that established, David finally let himself focus on the most important sound in the room - Charlie's breathing. It was slightly labored, but David decided not rough enough to imply that Charlie had been injured when they'd been grabbed. He was just terrified. 

A surge of anger raced through David and he ruthlessly suppressed it. Getting emotional wouldn't help Charlie. It was David's fault that they were in this mess, and he'd be damned if he made any more mistakes. 

"Hey, let's make them entertain us," one of the kidnappers said. 

"How, sing?" another scoffed. 

"No, no, hey, I've got it. Make them fuck." 

David's head jerked up at that and he stared at the three man in front of him. They were sitting in folding chairs around a heavy table. The man who'd spoken last was the one David had mentally dubbed 'Blondie'. He was the leader of these three, though obviously not the brains of the whole operation. The men in the room with David and Charlie were just babysitters. Exceedingly well-armed babysitters. 

David quickly dropped his eyes again, but not before Blondie had noticed. 

"Hey, the Fed likes the idea." 

"Shit, who wants to see two guys fucking anyway," said another kidnapper - by his voice, it was the man David had dubbed 'Muscles'. He was the one who'd handled his semi-automatic with the most confidence after their SUV had driven David's truck into a concrete abutment. The crash had disoriented David for long enough for them to get a drop on them. If he'd only noticed the SUV coming up on them one second sooner… 

"You see any ladies here?" said Blondie. "You want to just sit and stare at them for the next three hours? Made them work for it." 

"Ain't no fag," said the third kidnapper - 'Red' for his red shirt and baseball cap. 

"Bet they ain't either," Blondie said. "That's what would make it fun." 

After a pause, Muscles and Red laughed, with low malevolent laughs that made David's skin crawl. He kept his eyes down, willing the men to move on to another subject. 

Instead, Blondie got to his feet and came to stand just out of David's reach. "Hey, Fed. You going to entertain us?" 

"No, make the professor do it," Muscles said. "Make him suck the Fed's cock." 

"Yeah," Red laughed. "Bet the Fed has a fucking huge black dick. Make Curly choke on it." 

David still didn't look up, but damn him if his cock didn't throb at the idea of having Charlie between his knees. He'd fantasized about it often enough. But not like this. Not like this. 

"Hey, Fed, I'm talking to you," Blondie snapped and shifted the gun meaningfully in his hand. 

David raised his eyes. 

Blondie smiled unpleasantly. "I'm about to make your day." He gestured towards Red then towards Charlie. "Unlock his chains from the chair." 

David didn't look at Charlie. He locked eyes with Blondie and said quietly, "No." 

Blondie's unpleasant smile grew wider. "See, I've been thinking about it. We don't really need you. Our contract was for the Professor. You're just bonus. But if you didn't make it, our employers wouldn't care. So you see, it's in your best interest to go along with whatever I say." 

"No," David said again. 

He heard Red unlocking Charlie's chains. 

"You'd rather die than let him blow you?" 

"Yes." David said, keeping his voice steady by a force of will. "This isn't some porn movie, this is real life. If you make him do it, it's rape. I'd rather die." 

David heard Charlie suck in his breath and his eyes automatically went to him. Charlie was standing up, with Red standing next to him and holding his arm tightly. Charlie's hands were now cuffed behind his back, with chains from the cuffs leading down to cuffs at his ankles. Charlie's face was sheet white, and his eyes were round with fear. 

"It's okay, Charlie," David said, his voice finally betraying him with a tremor. "You'll be okay. They'll pay the ransom and you'll be fine." 

Blondie grinned. "You bet your ass they'll pay. This professor is worth a shitload of money. You, Fed, are worth nothing." He turned towards Charlie. "What do you say, Professor? Want to suck some cock?" 

"Not really," Charlie said shakily. "Really, no, not at all." 

"Oh, this is good," Muscles said. "It wouldn't be any fun if either of them was a fag." 

Charlie continued, "Can't we talk instead? I've got some great stories…" 

"The only thing I want your mouth doing," Blondie said, raising his gun towards Charlie, "is sucking on the Fed's cock." 

"Hey," David snapped. "I'm the expendable one, remember?" The gun turned back towards him, a much better direction to be pointed. Then he realized that once they killed him, there was nothing stopping them from hurting Charlie anyway. They were getting aroused and soon they'd want blood one way or another. 

David taunted, "I bet you can't shoot me without killing me." If he could just hold out for a few hours... 

Blondie snorted. "Damn, you're a fag-hater, aren't you? Would rather die slowly then get a blow from a man? That's hardcore." He grinned over at Red and Muscles. "Oh, _good_." 

David kept his mouth shut and let the men believe what they wanted to. The truth would be so much more dangerous. 

"Would it be so awful?" Charlie asked. 

David's heart slammed in his chest and he jerked his head up to stare at Charlie. Charlie's face was downright green, but he looked determined. 

"No, no," David said flatly. "You don't have to do this. I will _not_ let you be coerced." 

"Is it more important than your life?" Charlie asked softly. 

"Yes," David ground out. "It is rape and I will not let you be…" _Defiled, Ruined, Desecrated._ David pressed his lips together on his emotions and shook his head tightly. 

"It's okay," Charlie said. "I don't…mind." Anyone could tell by looking at Charlie's face that he did mind indeed, very much. "But I'm only willing to do this if you want me to. I'm not willing to force you either. But if it can save your life… that means something to me." 

David's head swam with the conflict that was going on inside him, because he wanted, oh how he wanted and had always wanted… 

Charlie shuffled over and kneeled awkwardly in front of him. 

"Dammit, Charlie," David said, mostly because Charlie was now in the line of fire, should Blondie decide to take David up on his offer to shoot him. 

"Please, David," Charlie said. "I got you into this mess. It's me they wanted and got you too. Let me help." 

"Charlie, it isn't worth my life to make you…" 

"I'll try to do a good job." 

"That's not the point!" 

"Enough talking!" Blondie snapped. "I'm going to count to ten, and if he doesn't have your cock in his mouth by the time I'm done, I'm shooting both of you." 

David grimaced and realized the point he'd been trying to avoid had come anyway - The kidnappers were now aroused and would accept nothing other than sex or blood. 

"Are you sure, Charlie?" David asked, but he knew that he'd lost. Or won. Or something. 

Charlie leaned in and pushed his face against David's crotch and David knew he would have been safer being shot. 

  
  



	2. A Not-So-Private Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie attempts to get down to business.

** A Not-so-Private Hell - Part 2**

David let Charlie nuzzle him through his pants for a moment while he tried desperately to recover his equilibrium. Charlie's attempts at getting David's zipper in his teeth were endearing, but everything Charlie did was fucking adorable. God, sometimes David hated Charlie for how much he wanted him. 

Any gay man knew what it was like to want someone straight. The odds were too high that the attractive man at work or at the restaurant would be straight. Many gay men also knew what it felt like to fall in love with a straight man, but David didn't know if what he felt for Charlie was love. He did know that he desperately wanted to spend time with Charlie, talk with him, but he forced himself to go in the opposite direction and barely speak to Charlie, let alone socialize with him. He was too afraid that he would find out that he was indeed in love with Charlie, and make even more of a hell for himself. This approach was its own hell, though, daily moving David closer to obsession, and he fought a constant battle against the desire to just _see_ Charlie outside of the office, to just watch Charlie going about his life. David hadn't known he could think like a stalker, until he met Charlie. 

Charlie pulled back from trying to unzip David's pants with his teeth and looked over his shoulder. "I'm going to stand up and turn around, okay? I'm going to use my hands to get his fly open, okay?" 

Blondie grunted an affirmative and Charlie leaned against David, awkwardly levering himself to his feet. His chains banged painfully against David's left knee as he turned around. 

David gratefully latched onto that pain and focused on reducing his arousal level. He was supposed to be hating this - Charlie's life probably depended on the kidnappers believing that they were both unwilling. Closing his eyes, David replayed gruesome crimes scenes in his mind. 

Half-sitting on David's sore knee, Charlie managed to get his hands into position to undo David's belt and unzip his pants. He groped about in David's underwear but couldn't seem to get the right angle. 

"Just pull down my pants," David said through gritted teeth. 

Charlie paused and called over to their captors, "I'm going to pull down his pants, okay?" 

"I don't want to see his black ass," Red complained. 

"Then don't look," Blondie snapped. "Do it." 

David stood up slowly and Charlie backed up against him. Charlie got his fingers in the waistband of David's underwear and tried to pull them down. They got snagged on David's cock and Charlie fumbled about, sending more blood to David's cock and making it harder to get his underwear off. 

At least this seemed to be amusing the kidnappers, who were laughing and jeering at Charlie's clumsiness. Finally, Charlie got David's underwear pulled down and his pants slid down to his calves. 

"Damn, that's a big dick," Muscles said. "Curly is going to choke on it for sure." 

Charlie turned around and looked down at David's erect cock. He seemed to turn a little greener. 

"Charlie," David whispered. "You can still back out." 

Charlie gave a quick sharp shake of his head. David sat slowly back down on the chair, the metal cold against his ass. Charlie pushed David's pants down to his ankles and knelt on them. That trapped David even more securely than his chains, but he wasn't sure he was capable of doing anything at the moment anyway. Not with Charlie leaning forward to tentatively lick his cock. 

A moan escaped David, but no one seemed to have heard it. He bit the inside of his cheek and fastened his eyes on the sight of so many fantasies, which had somehow turned into a nightmare. Charlie licked the front of David's cock for a moment. 

"It's not a lollipop," Red laughed. "Suck it!" 

Charlie looked up and briefly met David's gaze then he angled his head to try to get David's stiff cock into his mouth. His curls felt soft as they brushed against David's stomach, just like David had always known they would. 

"Damn, Curly, ain't you never gotten head before?" Muscles teased. "The Professor doesn't know how it works!" 

Charlie flushed and succeeded at getting the whole head of David's cock into his mouth. His lips began to slide up and David clenched his hands into fists behind him. Their captors continued to call out tips and insults, but David ignored them without much difficulty, his whole body focused on Charlie. Charlie's efforts were terribly inept but David wouldn't want it any other way. He knew without a doubt that his was the first cock to go past those mobile lips and that was a headier aphrodisiac than the most practiced cock-sucking skills. Even the occasional brush of Charlie's teeth added to the appeal. 

Charlie began to get the hang of it. His curls bounced as he took David in deeper and deeper each time, though he was still only gliding his lips over David's cock. He shifted closer, his head bobbed, and God, it felt so much better than it should have. 

David was known in certain circles for his stamina. He normally would be the last survivor of a chain-fuck, the cock that no man could bring down until David wanted him to. With Charlie, though, he was getting close fast, and he needed to draw this out as long as possible. 

"Charlie," he said, and his voice sounded as wobbly as he felt. "Back off a little. I'm not going to last long otherwise and we need to make this last until…" He didn't complete the sentence, but he knew that Charlie was hoping as much as he was that Don and the rest of the FBI would find them before the ransom deadline. Though maybe David was hoping it slightly less than he had been five minutes before. 

Charlie nodded and pulled off. He nuzzled David's balls and kissed his thighs then licked his cock in long, slow stripes. His face was tilted up to David, but his eyes were unfocused. David wondered if he was working math problems in his head to avoid thinking about the nauseating thing he was doing. David felt another flush of sick guilt that he was enjoying it. 

After a good break - and when the kidnappers' encouragement to return to his job started to get heated, Charlie took David's cock back into his mouth and began to suck this time. The suction sent shivers up David's body, then coiling into his balls. He reached for every ounce of stamina he could find. He tried to close his eyes, but his eyelids refused to close, refused to shut out the searing sight of Charlie sucking his cock. His hands ached from pulling against the cuffs, desperate to bury his fingers in that head of hair in front of him. He wanted, he wanted… 

"Charlie!" David warned. 

Charlie pulled off David's cock with a pop and David gulped in air. Charlie's eyes focused on David's face and he licked his lips, looking uncertain. 

"Wasn't I doing it right?" Charlie asked. 

"Yeah," David said hoarsely. "Too well." 

"He was about to shoot his wad down your throat!" Blondie said with a laugh. "It's not gay if you don't come, huh?" 

Remembering the role he was supposed to be playing, David growled, "Shut up." 

"Heh," Muscles said. "You called it. What a fag-hater." 

"Forget coming in his mouth," Red said. "You have to come on his face, so we know you did. I want to see the Professor with cum all over his face." 

David's cock twitched at the image but he said, "No way." 

Blondie's hand had been at his groin but he picked his gun back up and waved it towards David. "How much do you hate the idea? Enough to die for?" 

"David," Charlie said softly, bringing David's eyes back down to the man between his thighs. "It's okay, you can do it." 

"Charlie…" David protested. He was already making Charlie do this thing he found repulsive, he didn't want to humiliate Charlie as well. 

"Just tell me how to do it," Charlie said. 

David swallowed a lump in his throat at the determination in Charlie's voice. He nodded, then said with a faint smile, "It won't be hard. Just…put your mouth below the head, on that ridge, and close your eyes." 

Charlie did as instructed and David began to rock against Charlie's lips. Charlie started to suck on the sensitive ridge and soon David was feeling the readiness in his balls. He rose slightly from the chair, chains rattling and pushed his cock hard against Charlie's face. 

He came with a groan and shot ropes of cum across Charlie's forehead and into his hair. He rocked and rocked against Charlie, who held on with his mouth until David began to soften. He stared, trembling down at Charlie, at his cum in Charlie's hair and dripping down his face. 

"Fuck," he said, with a sort of shaky wonder. "Fuck…" 

Charlie just looked up at him, his lips still parted, his brown eyes dark and wide enough to drown in. 

From beyond the rushing in his ears, David finally heard clapping. The kidnappers were laughing and cheering the performance. 

"Wipe yourself up, Professor," Blondie said. "You're next." 

  
  



	3. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David gets closer to Charlie and deeper into trouble.

**Breaking Point - Part 3**

"What?" David asked, knowing that Blondie had said something important. David was still looking down at Charlie between his knees, with his cum dripping down those curls. 

"Didn't think we'd let a fag-hater like you get away without tasting cock, did you?" Blondie said with a smirk. 

David stared at him, trying to gather his brain cells back together. Charlie shifted against him, blinking rapidly, and David realized Charlie was trying to keep cum from dripping into his eyes. 

"Use my shirt," David said quickly. 

Charlie leaned forward and wiped his face and hair off on David's shirt, an oddly intimate gesture. 

"I'm sorry," David whispered. 

"I'm sorry, too," Charlie whispered back. 

"Okay, boys, lock the Professor back up. It's the Fed's turn." 

With Blondie covering them with his gun, Red and Muscles came over and lifted Charlie back to his feet. They uncuffed him, threaded the chains back through the chair, then recuffed him. They came over to David and did the reverse - uncuffing his hands, unthreading the chain from his chair, then cuffing his hands behind his back again. David tried to figure out how to take advantage of the situation, but his legs were like jelly and his pants were still wrapped around his feet. 

The men stepped away from him and he swayed. Their hands were instantly at their guns and David stilled. "I'm going to pull my pants up, okay?" he said. 

Blondie nodded, and David clumsily pulled his pants back up his legs, then realized he wasn't going to be able to refasten them. "One of you guys want to give me a hand?" 

They laughed and David slowly moved over behind Charlie's chair. He crouched down next to Charlie's hands and Charlie fumbled with his pants, being about as effective as he'd been trying to get them off. 

"He's trying to give you a hand job!" Red laughed. 

Charlie mumbled under his breath as Muscles and Blondie added to the mocking. Eventually, he got David's underwear and pants back up and rezipped, though Charlie couldn't manage the button. It was just in time, too, since David's cock was already starting to reharden. 

"Your turn to get your pants off, Professor!" Muscles called. "Damn, this is better than a clown act." 

David came around the front of Charlie's chair and turned his back to him. 

"Stand up as much as you can," he instructed. 

With a rattle of chains, Charlie half-stood up. David bent and deftly undid Charlie's jeans, reached inside Charlie's underwear and pulled out his cock. This wasn't the first time that David had done such a thing backwards. The kidnappers gave him a jeering round of applause. 

David straightened up but didn't turn around. He heard Charlie settle back into his chair. David closed his eyes. His fingers still tingled where he'd held Charlie's partially-erect cock. God, what was he doing to him? 

"Get sucking, Fed," Blondie said flatly. 

He shuddered but didn't reply. 

"This is your breaking point, then?" Blondie said, his voice low and menacing. "You'd let him suck your cock but you won't suck his?" 

David looked at Blondie. There was a whole load of twisted logic in that statement, but Blondie was right. David blew out his breath and gave a short nod. 

He turned around, settled on the floor between Charlie's knees, then stared at Charlie's cock. He'd fantasized about this so many times that he felt almost light-headed. All he had to do was lean over and his mouth would be on Charlie's cock. But Charlie didn't want it. 

Charlie said softly, "It's not too bad, you know, if you don't think about it too much. We've lasted this much longer and we're both still alive, right?" 

David met Charlie's eyes and was stunned by the earnestness there. Charlie was going along with something he obviously found repulsive, just to keep David alive a little longer, and here he was trying to reassure David. Somehow David had expected nothing less. A hot flush ran through him. Yeah, he was in love with Charlie, had been for a long time. 

"Shit," David said and rested his cheek against Charlie's inner thigh for a long moment. 

Blondie cleared his throat and David straightened up. Charlie didn't want this, didn't ask for this, but damn it if David wasn't going to give Charlie the blow of his life. 

David started slow, with a light touch, little more than his breath against Charlie's skin. He looked up to lock eyes with Charlie as he licked a feather-light line up the outside of Charlie's cock and around the head. He did it again, with a slight increase in pressure, then again. Charlie's cock was now fully erect, but David knew that was just physiological, and didn't mean Charlie wanted what was happening to him. David forced the guilt away and concentrated on the moment. 

He slid his lips over the thick head then teased the edges of the head ever so slightly with his teeth. Charlie gasped and David got busy with his tongue. Soon Charlie's breathing was as labored as earlier, when he'd just been terrified. David sucked Charlie's cock down deep, and Charlie gasped again. 

David was hampered by not being able to use his hands, but he knew how to adjust. He had the experience and the hard-earned intimate knowledge of a man's cock. 

David might be familiar with blowjobs, but from the way Charlie was reacting, David would bet that they were not a common occurrence in Charlie's life. David wasn't surprised. Amita, Charlie's anemic excuse for a girlfriend, probably didn't even know how to do one right. While David was just learning what he felt for Charlie, he'd long known what he felt for Amita was unadorned hate. She took Charlie for granted, and David couldn't forgive that. 

"David…" Charlie moaned and that went straight through David's body like hot lightning. He never thought he'd hear his name spoken like that by Charlie. He moved and licked and sucked and did every mouth-only trick he knew. Charlie moaned again. David noted exactly what had solicited it, then did it again. Charlie moaned some more and squirmed in his chair. David's own cock throbbed in time to the pulse he felt in Charlie's cock. 

David's mouth slid deliberately up and down. This is how good your cock should feel, he said with his motions. This is what it feels like to be wanted so goddamn much it feels like pain sometimes. He pushed past the room, the situation, the guilt, to drive Charlie to the edge over and over again, never letting him fall over. 

He wanted to keep Charlie on the edge forever, but he knew he'd already given himself away to his kidnappers. Some ounce of self-preservation made him back off, latch his lips on to Charlie's cock the way he'd told Charlie to do to his, and finally let Charlie fall over that edge. 

Charlie came with a groan, shooting cum over David's face and head, writhing in his chair with the force of his orgasm. 

There was a moment of stunned silence in the room, then the kidnappers began to applaud. David let the jeering compliments slide off his back while he looked up to see what Charlie's expression was. Charlie looked blasted and dazed. 

David's mouth throbbed with the memory of Charlie's skin. His nose was full of the smell of Charlie's cum. His own cock was painfully hard. He'd remember that look on Charlie's face for the rest of his life. 

Which might not be very long. 

Wondering if he could still save the situation, David turned towards the kidnappers and smirked. "Now _I _have gotten good blows in my life. My girl is the best." 

David noticed that all three kidnappers had their hands in their pants and their guns set aside. 

"Huh," Red said. "Gonna have to look her up, after you're dead." 

David growled and glared at him, just like he was supposed to. Keeping his body language angry, he wiped his face and head off on Charlie's shirt. "You've had your entertainment," he snarled. "Now just leave us alone until the ransom is paid." 

"Oh no," Blondie said. His voice sounded strange and thick and David's heart sank. "You've still got to fuck." 

  
  



	4. No Option

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David debates whether sacrificing his own life can save Charlie.

**No Option - Part 4**

David slumped against Charlie's leg and closed his eyes. 

After all that he'd put Charlie through, he was still going to die. Because that was what was going to happen if they tried to force him to fuck Charlie. 

"No," he sighed softly. 

The room was oddly quiet. All David could hear was the sounds of his and Charlie's breathing returning to normal. 

After a long moment, Blondie said, "We'll give you fifteen minutes to recover. Then it's fucking." 

David didn't bother to argue, not yet. He just stood up slowly. He turned around, bent over and gently tucked Charlie's spent cock back into his underwear then re-zipped his pants. He walked over to his chair and sat down. No one came over to reattach his chains to his chair, which at least was something. Maybe he could go down fighting. 

The kidnappers started to argue about who was going to fuck whom, while David thought about the fifteen minutes he had left to live. Not the way he expected to his life to end, waiting out the timetable on his own execution. He tried to think grand, end-of-life thoughts, but all he wanted to do was sit silently and listen to Charlie breathe. 

The kidnappers soon decided that David would 'shove his big black dick up that skinny white ass'. Then Blondie surprised them all by pulling out a deck of playing cards and suggesting a game. David frowned. Blondie had possessed a simple way of passing the time, but had decided to force two men to have sex with each other instead. That meant something, but David was too drained to think about it further. 

He risked a look over at Charlie. Charlie was watching the men play cards, but soon turned his head to look at David. He gave David a weak smile. 

"Don't worry," David said. 

"Are you giving up, Agent Sinclair?" Charlie said, his smile trembling around the edges. 

"No, Dr. Eppes," David replied. "I won't give in. Don't worry." 

Charlie pressed his lips together and looked down, his shoulders hunched. 

Please Charlie, David silently begged. Please let me protect you the only way I have left. 

"Would it be so bad?" Charlie asked. 

David looked away. "I am not going to rape you, Charlie," he said flatly. 

"It's not rape if I consent." 

David snapped his head back to look at him. "It's not consent, you're under duress. Would you want me to if there wasn't guns pointed at us?" 

Closing his eyes, Charlie shook his head. "No." 

"Then it's 'no'," David snapped. "And I would rather be dead than rape someone." Especially you. 

"That's it, then," Charlie said quietly. 

"Yeah." David closed his eyes and wished he had something soothing to say. Charlie would need his strength once David was dead. 

There was a long moment of silence, with the only sound the soft murmur of the kidnappers playing cards. 

Even in the quiet, David continued to focus on listening to Charlie's breathing, so he noticed when it started to hitch. David looked over and saw, to his horror, that Charlie was quietly crying. 

"Charlie…" David said softly. 

Charlie said, "If I make you to do this, that makes me a rapist and I will never forgive myself. If I don't make you, then you will be dead and I will still never forgive myself. Which is the better outcome?" 

"It's not that simple." 

"Why not?" Charlie asked, glaring at him while tears trickled down his face. "What am I missing?" 

"Please, Charlie, don't make this your fault. It's those bastards with the guns that are doing this. They're not going to let me walk out of this room, if we do it or not." 

"You don't know that." 

"I think it's clear." 

"At least we can delay it, give Don more time…" 

"I'd rather go to my maker with a clear conscience." 

"And leave me here, with them? What makes you think they're going to leave me alive, after they kill a Federal Agent with me watching?" 

David winced. Once they killed David, Charlie would be a witness and a liability. And… David had to admit to himself that he'd been trying not think it through. He wouldn't be saving Charlie after all. He'd be dead and still responsible for Charlie's death. There was no choice. Their only option was to go along with the demands and hope to delay long enough for them to be found. No option but to rape Charlie. 

"Oh God," David said softly. 

"Yeah," Charlie agreed. 

They sat silently for a long while, the conclusion hanging heavy in the air between them. David tried to process it. He was going to fuck Charlie. And goddamn him if his cock didn't start to throb at the thought. 

Since David couldn't see a clock, the fifteen minutes seemed to last forever. David was keyed up, both dreading and looking forward to time being up. 

Finally, Blondie gathered up the cards and put them away. He turned towards David and the light in his eyes told David that he'd been counting down the minutes as well. 

"Alright, Fed," Blondie said. 

"Are you really going to make us do this?" David asked. 

Blondie nodded emphatically. "Fuck him or I will kill you." 

"And if I fuck him, you won't kill me?" 

"Of course," Blondie said. 

"Charlie?" David asked. 

Charlie gave a reluctant nod. 

David breathed out a large sigh. "Okay, tell me what do." 

Blondie grinned ferally. "Unchain the Professor," he said to the others. 

When Red and Muscles protested, Blondie said, "What he going to do? He's going to be too busy getting his ass plowed. Once the Fed has split him open with that dick, he's not going to be even able to walk." 

Red and Muscles laughed and removed Charlie's chains. They unbuttoned and yanked down his pants. They forced Charlie to bend over and lay his stomach on the chair, his hands still cuffed behind his back and his ankles still loosely cuffed together. They pulled David over to kneel behind him and moved away. 

David froze in place. There was Charlie's naked ass before him, gently round and gorgeously furry. The sight made his mouth go dry. He stared at it and licked his lips. 

"Lick it," Blondie commanded. 

"What?" David said, covering up his surge of approval with anger. "No way." 

"Do it!" 

David slowly leaned forward and touched his tongue against one of Charlie's asscheeks. 

"No, his asshole!" Blondie snapped. "Stick your tongue up his asshole." 

David grimaced. "That's sick!" 

"Do it," Muscles added. "And hope he doesn't have shit ready to come out." 

Red laughed. "Yeah, we'll make you eat it." 

David growled but moved his mouth into position. He wished he had his hands free, to really do this right. He made a show of closing his eyes and steeling himself for the ordeal, when in reality he was salivating to get started. He wedged his face between Charlie's asscheeks and found the ridge of Charlie's hole with the tip of his tongue. He could feel Charlie shiver. 

David pushed gently against that tight hole. He wanted to dive in, make Charlie do just more than shiver, but knew that he'd give himself away. He forced himself to stay with a light touch and behave like an unwilling rimmer. He probed the hole, over and over, until he started to feel Charlie relax and even rock back against him slightly. 

"Okay," Blondie said hoarsely. 

David pulled his face out of Charlie's ass, straightened up and looked back at Blondie. His heart began to thud. This was the point of no return. 

"Wait," Blondie said and stood up. "Watch them," he said to the others, then quickly went out the door. Before David could think about making a move, Blondie was back, with a pump bottle of satiny soap. 

He came near David and set the soap on the floor. "Use this." 

David sighed with relief. He'd envisioned having to use only spit. In fact, it was strange that Blondie had not only realized the need for a lubricant, but had also thought about what they could use that was nearby. 

David rattled his cuffs. "I'm going to need my hands, unless you want to hold my cock for me." 

"Do it," Blondie said to Red and Muscles, glaring at them when it looked like they were considering protesting. David felt the stirrings of hope. With each thing Blondie made David and Charlie do, he was taking bigger and bigger risks. He was getting wrapped up in the drama of forcing two unwilling men to have sex and forgetting his job as their captor. His compatriots weren't objecting too much, either. 

David's wrists were quickly uncuffed and the chains removed. Now he was only cuffed at the ankles, with enough play in those cuffs that he could manage a shuffling walk. It was a huge improvement, but he needed to make sure that his kidnappers didn't realize it. 

David quickly unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock. It was already hard in anticipation. He gripped it and scooted towards Charlie. 

"You'll need to stretch him first," Blondie interrupted. 

David looked at him in surprise. It was true, but he hadn't expected to be allowed to do it. 

"It's obvious," Blondie said defensively. 

"Okay…" David said, putting a look of confusion on his face. 

"With your fingers, idiot," Blondie snapped. "Put some soap on your fingers and stretch him, otherwise it just won't happen. God, you Feds are stupid." 

David nodded slowly and took his time putting soap on his fingers. He then, making a face, pushed one finger into Charlie's ass. He followed it by a second finger and began to loosen him. 

Charlie made a sound and David leaned over. 

"You okay?" David asked. 

"Yeah," Charlie said, shifting against him. "Just feels strange." 

David leaned over further, until his mouth was right at Charlie's ear. He whispered, "I think I can work Blondie - the blond one who suggested all this. But I'm going to have to start saying and doing crazy things. I need you to remember that what I'm saying isn't true, it's just an act, okay?" 

Charlie made an 'mm-hmm' sound. 

He kept his mouth at Charlie's ear. "I need you to ignore what I say and concentrate on following my movements, going where my hands tell you to, okay?" 

"Mm-hmm." 

"Trust me?" 

"Absolutely," Charlie whispered. 

David nodded and straightened back up. He stretched Charlie for a long moment, lightly stroking his cock with his other hand to get it extra hard. 

"C'mon, get on with it!" Red demanded. 

David slowly pulled out his fingers and wiped them off on his pants. Then he soaped up his other hand and put as much soap as he could manage on his cock. He looked over his shoulder at Blondie who motioned for him to get moving. 

"I don't have any choice, Charlie," he said, at a volume that would seem quiet but that he knew the kidnappers could hear. "You know that, right?" 

Charlie nodded. 

"You know there's no way I'd ever fuck a man unless they were going to kill me, right?" 

Charlie nodded again. 

"Hell, here goes…" 

  
  



	5. Battles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David first fights a battle against himself.

**Battles - Part 5 **

David guided the head of his cock against Charlie's wet asshole. It felt so strange to be doing this without a condom. He pushed it in just a little way, barely going past the tight ring of muscle. He rocked minutely, his cock almost coming out with that slight movement. 

"Fuck, push it in all the way!" Blondie complained. 

David slowly pushed in another inch. 

"All the fucking way!" Blondie snapped. "All the way up to your balls!" 

David grimaced and pushed in all the way with one shove. Charlie cried out and David gritted his teeth. He stopped and just stayed there. 

"Move!" Blondie said. "Fuck, what is wrong with you?" 

"It's so tight," David gasped. 

"Move…" Blondie growled. 

David started to move slowly, in choppy strokes. Soon he evened out and was plunging far into Charlie then sliding almost out. "He's so tight, so hot," David groaned. "Not like pussy at all. Oh God." 

Charlie whimpered under him. David gripped Charlie's ass with both hands and fucked him deep. He tried to look first-time awkward, but couldn't tolerate that for long. Charlie's ass deserved to be fucked right. And if this was David's last fuck, he wanted it to be a good one. 

He stopped, shifted his position, and loosened his grip on Charlie's ass. He started again with a slower, smoother stroke and began listening to Charlie's body with his own. David altered his position deliberately, until he felt Charlie's shudder of surprise as he hit his prostate. Then he experimented with different depth of thrusts until Charlie's breathing began to get ragged. And then he kept to that angle and pace and just fucked Charlie like he'd always wanted to. 

Only his orgasm rising in his balls jerked David back out of his fugue of pleasure. He slowed down and stopped, breathing hard. 

"Charlie…" he said softly, in regret and apology. 

Charlie's eyes were closed, his lips parted. He gave a slight nod. 

"God, that feels…" David said, using his low-but-carrying voice. "I never thought I…" 

Yanking on Charlie's bound hands, David pulled Charlie to a more upright position. "You like my cock in your ass, don't you…" 

Charlie grunted a negative. 

"Oh, you like my cock fucking your ass," David growled. "You've been wanting my monster cock up your ass since you met me." 

"What?" Charlie stammered. 

"Admit it," David said and began to fuck Charlie with short, jabbing strokes. "You've wanted to bend over for me for a long time." 

"No!" 

David reached up and grabbed Charlie's hair. "I bet you watch videos of white boys being fucked by monster black dicks and beat off." 

"No…" 

"Does it feel like you imagined, Professor?" David fucked him deeper, harder. "Does it feel like you dreamed about?" 

Charlie just whimpered. 

David pulled out of him and stood up. He yanked Charlie up to his feet and dragged him around behind the chair. He bent Charlie over the back of the chair and pushed back into him again. 

"Take it," David gasped, grinding Charlie's body against the chair. "Take it all." 

Charlie cried out but David shut his mind off from it. He chanced a look over at the kidnappers. They all had their cocks out of their pants and were stroking them. They also all had set aside their guns. 

David kept the triumph from his face and returned to taunting Charlie. "Wearing those tight jeans, hoping I would notice your ass… complaining about sucking my cock when that's all you've wanted to do." 

"No…" Charlie moaned. "I didn't want… Please…" 

"Please fuck you harder?" David said with bared teeth. "I want to, but I need a bed. I need…" He looked over at the table. 

"Table," he said harshly to Blondie. "Want him on his back on the table." 

Blondie nodded quickly and pushed his chair back from the table. Red and Muscles did the same. David pulled out of Charlie. Charlie staggered and David grabbed his bound hands. 

"Move," he commanded and shoved Charlie towards the table. Charlie stumbled trying to walk with his tangled-up clothes and went to his knees. He stay there, sobbing quietly. David's heart ached but he desperately suppressed it. He got some more soap and re-lubed his cock. 

He grabbed Charlie by the arm and dragged him to his feet. He got him to the table, turned him around, and levered him up on the table, so that he lay on his back, his legs up in the air. David pushed Charlie's pants all the way up his legs and put his head in between Charlie's calves. Charlie's cuffed ankles and his pants were now bunched up behind David's neck. David looked down at Charlie's terrified face and his heart broke a little more. He wanted to stop, wanted to soothe him, but he couldn't. 

He bit the inside of his cheek, and pushed his cock back in to Charlie's abused asshole. With one hand, he held on to Charlie's hip and with the other, he gripped Charlie's cock. 

"Did you dream about this?" David asked. "Me jacking you off while I fuck you?" 

He ruthlessly stroked Charlie's cock and saw the horror on Charlie's face as his body reacted to David's actions despite his will. David's hands trembled, but he continued. 

"I'm gonna jack you off, and then come in your ass," David growled. "You want that, don't you?" 

Charlie managed a weak shake of his head. 

David forced a laugh. He began to stroke and fuck Charlie in a rhythm. Charlie's eyes widened and David felt the tension in Charlie's body. 

"Do it! Fuck, come!" David commanded. 

Charlie cried out and his cock throbbed and hot cum spurted over David's hand. 

"Oh God," David moaned. "Oh God, that feels so good." 

David let himself go and soon followed Charlie, groaning loudly and pumping his cum into Charlie's ass. He thrust and thrust, forgetting for a brief moment anything but the pleasure. He dragged himself back to awareness with an effort and wiped his hand on Charlie's shirt. He pulled out of Charlie, still hard, and removed his head from between Charlie's legs. The three kidnappers were still jacking off but David could tell they were close. 

David pulled Charlie up to a sitting position and said by his ear, just loudly enough for Blondie to hear too, "God, Charlie, I always wanted to do that." He pushed Charlie's legs downward and pulled Charlie closer to him, so that Charlie slid down to stand on the floor next to him, swaying slightly. "I always wanted to try that, but only with you, Charlie. Only with you…" 

Out of the corner of his eye, David saw Blondie turn away from them, look towards Muscles and start stroking his cock furiously. David took hold of Charlie's shoulders and shoved him to the floor. As Charlie collapsed downwards, David lunged towards Blondie's gun. He grabbed it, flipped it around, and shot Blondie in the chest. Pushing Charlie farther under the table with one hand, he brought the gun around. Red and Muscles hadn't reacted yet, still jerking on their cocks, and David shot them both. He hit them but they still reached for their guns. 

Charlie kicked the legs of Muscle's chair, knocking him over. David braced his free hand on the table and swung his cuffed ankles at Red's chair. Red fell over onto Muscles and Charlie rolled on top of Muscle's gun. 

David landed beside Red and aimed his gun at the tangled-up men. 

"Stop!" he yelled. 

Both men froze. Charlie pushed Muscles' gun farther away with his shoulder. 

"Charlie, you okay?" David panted. 

"Yeah," Charlie panted back. 

David rolled to his feet. Red was bleeding heavily from an upper arm wound and Muscles was hit in his side. David looked over at Blondie who was gasping wetly. 

"Charlie, get farther under the table," David directed, and Charlie pushed Muscles' gun with him under the table. 

Slowly, David approached Red but the man had passed out. Holding his gun on him anyway, David took Red's gun and tossed it aside. He got the cuffs key from Red's pocket and unlocked his ankle cuffs. Moving carefully around Muscles, who was still alert and glaring at him, David got Muscle's gun from underneath Charlie. 

He unlocked Charlie's cuffs from his wrists and handed Muscle's gun to Charlie. Charlie's hands were shaking, but he held the gun pointed towards Muscles. 

"In the chair," David said, pointing to the chairs that David and Charlie had been in, the ones that were bolted to the floor. 

Muscles pressed his hand against his wound and glared at him. 

"I really would rather kill you," David said flatly. 

Muscles grimaced and slowly shuffled over to the chair. David took his discarded cuffs and attached them around Muscles' ankles and threaded the chains through them and the chair. He left the man's hands free to press against his wound. 

He went back to Red and cuffed the unconscious man behind his back, then got a phone from his pocket. David put the phone on the table, got Red's gun and took the gun from Charlie. 

"Unlock yourself," he said. "Take the phone and get out of here." 

Charlie awkwardly pulled his pants up and uncuffed his ankles. Then he took the phone. "Are you…" 

David snapped, "Go!" 

Charlie limped out of the room, and David's heart sank at how painful his movements looked. 

David grabbed another set of cuffs and went over to check on Blondie. To his surprise, Blondie was still breathing. With the way Blondie was lying, David could only cuff his hands in front of him. As he wrestled the cuffs on, Blondie opened his eyes. 

"It was good, wasn't it?" Blondie whispered. 

David looked into Blondie's eyes and recognized the desperate, repressed desires that had twisted inside him. "Terrible," he agreed. 

Blondie started to smile but closed his eyes again. 

David straightened up. At that moment, David realized that his cock was still out of his pants, along with those of the three wounded kidnappers. 

David began to laugh, a strange bleak sound that echoed around the room. He sank to his knees. He wondered how long it would take Charlie to find a cellphone signal. He wondered how long it would be until one or more of his former captors bled to death. He wondered if he should just walk over to Muscles and hand him a gun. Unfortunately, Charlie might return then everything would be for nothing. 

Everything… 

He'd fucked Charlie. 

He'd raped Charlie. 

And he loved Charlie. 

David slowly tucked his cock back into his pants. He turned his gun around, placed it into Blondie's hands and willed the man to come around just long enough to shoot him. That was the only way this could end. 

He waited for the shot. He was ready, ready this time. 

But the goddamn bastard just lay there and bled. 

  
  



	6. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month after the incident, Charlie needs David's help, one more time.

**Aftermath - Part 6**

"David, David, wait!" 

David grimaced and slowed down as Charlie came up behind him in the hallway of the FBI office. Charlie hurried up, panting, and David closed his eyes at the sight. 

It didn't help. 

Closing his eyes hadn't helped for the last 36 days. Always there waiting behind his eyes were those images he couldn't get away from. 

36 days ago he'd fucked Charlie, sucked off Charlie, came in Charlie's hair. 36 days ago his life had ended and he'd been walking around numb ever since. 

His report on the kidnapping had been baldly factual, detailing exactly how he and Charlie had entertained their captors, then gotten the drop on them. The only part David had left out was how he'd given the unconscious Blondie his gun after Charlie was gone, in the hope that Blondie would shoot him. Blondie had never come around and David had taken the gun back when the FBI had busted into the room. 

All three of their kidnappers had survived and given up their boss, an old NSA foe of Charlie's. The case was all neatly tied up and finished, as far as everyone else was concerned. It was just beginning of David's hell, however. He knew that there'd been a part of him that had been thrilled by the situation, that had wanted the kidnappers to force them to take each next step, because the impossible chance to have sex with Charlie was too unbelievable to pass up. The only thing he'd felt beyond the numbness was a self-disgust so deep that he couldn't stand to be in the same room as Charlie. 

"You can't avoid me forever," Charlie said. 

David opened his eyes and Charlie was there, hugging some folders and looking up at him with those big, brown eyes. Just like he'd looked up at him while licking his cock… 

David jerked his eyes away from Charlie's and fixed them on a spot over Charlie's shoulder. 

"We need to talk," Charlie said. "Please?" 

David pressed his lips together and waited. 

"I just been…I've just thought a lot about…When you were…" Charlie trailed off and looked up and down the hallway. 

David sighed. "This way." He turned around and walked down the hall towards an office he knew was vacant. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. Once Charlie had followed him in, he shut and locked the door. He sat on the desk, folded his arms and looked Charlie full in the face. 

Charlie hugged the folders closer to himself. He cleared his throat and said carefully, "I've thought a great deal about what you said to me when we were…engaged in certain activity, and I believe that you weren't lying - or rather, you were lying about what you were lying about." 

David waited and hoped that Charlie wouldn't start to make sense. 

"I realized that you'd done it before," Charlie said quietly. "All of it. You were too…good at it. You had been with a man before, more than once." 

David gave a slight shrug. 

"You're gay?" 

David just looked at him. 

"Then why was it such a big deal?" 

David felt a hot flush of rage. "It's still rape, even if you're gay," he snapped. "If you're forced to, it's still rape." 

"Right," Charlie said slowly. "Right. I… You're right. I'm sorry." 

David concentrated on unclenching hands that had turned into fists. 

Charlie said, "Wouldn't it have been better if you'd told them that? Maybe they'd not have done it." 

David stayed silent and waited for Charlie to think that through. 

"No…" Charlie said at last. "It wouldn't have changed anything." He frowned. "Or might have made it a whole lot worse, if they hated gays. Especially that Martin - the one you called Blondie. I think he might be in the closet or something, and I don't know how he would have reacted just to show the others that he wasn't gay." 

David nodded. He'd seen that sort of behavior too many times. 

Charlie twisted the corner of his file folders, and continued in a quieter voice, "There was something else… At the end, just before you shot them, you said that you'd been wanting to do that with me." 

"It was a gamble," David said. "I hoped that he was attracted to someone in the room and that he would look away from us. It worked." 

"It did," Charlie agreed. "But I think that you'd been wanting to do it with me wasn't a lie." 

"Of course it was," David snapped. "It was just a ruse." 

"Was it?" Charlie asked softly. 

David eyed him. "Yes, Charlie, it was." 

"I wonder…" 

"Don't." 

Charlie flinched and looked down at his folders. "It's just… I can't stop thinking about it. It's all I think about, all the time." 

"Yeah," David sighed. 

"There were parts of it…" Charlie said, still not looking at him. "Parts of it that were actually good, really good and how sick does that make me that there were parts that I liked?" 

David grimaced. "Parts of it, me too. But it's just physiological. Male anatomy is designed that way. Don't feel guilty about it." He could tell Charlie that, not to feel guilty, but not himself. 

"I don't want to feel guilty about it," Charlie snapped. "I want to figure it out." 

"What?" 

"I want to know if it just the life-or-death situation that added the intensity or was there something else?" 

David eyed him. "What are you talking about?" 

"What if we…repeated it under different circumstances?" 

David drew back. "No." 

"But…" 

"I'm not a science experiment," David snapped. 

"But if you don't mind that sort of activity and if you…care for me that way…" 

"Goddamn it, Charlie," David said harshly. "You are not going to 'fix' the experience by some sort of re-do with me. We were forced to have sex. We were coerced. It was rape." 

Charlie hunched his shoulders. "I know. I just can't… I just can't stop thinking about it." 

David sighed. "Me either. It's just going to take time. You don't need me, you need therapy. Therapy and time." 

"I haven't, you know, done anything with Amita, since. I just look at her and think about how you were willing to give up your life for me, to protect me, but she would never do that." 

"That's not fair," David said. "She's not an FBI agent, she's not trained for that kind of high-stakes situation." 

"I know, but she would certainly not die before letting me get raped." 

David grimaced. "And I didn't either" 

Charlie's eyes widened. "Oh, but you would have, if it would have made a difference." 

"But it didn't." 

Charlie looked at him. "You can't blame yourself." 

"If I'd just been faster, not let them take us-" 

"No, no," Charlie stepped closer. "It was all my fault. If I hadn't ruined Jay Simpson's career then he wouldn't have gone after me." 

"Simpson is a bastard and a criminal who deserved you exposing him. You saved real lives with outing him. It's not your fault he decided to go for revenge." 

"It feels like my fault." 

David smiled thinly. "Like I said, therapy." 

"Yeah…" Charlie said, and he was squeezing the file folders so tightly that they were bending in half. "I can't stop thinking about it what we did..." 

"I know," David said softly. 

Tears began to slide down Charlie's cheeks. David remembered what Charlie said last time he was crying. They had been chained to chairs, unsure of their future, and Charlie had said, "If I make you to do this, that makes me a rapist and I will never forgive myself." Charlie continued to cry quietly. 

David's throat tightened in sympathy. "Please, Charlie. Please don't cry." Without conscious thought, he reached out towards him. Charlie collapsed against him, sobbing. David's arms wrapped around him. Charlie pulled the file folders he was holding from between them and put them on the desk that David was still leaning against. He slid his arms around David and held on while he cried on David's shoulder. 

David automatically rubbed his back and made soothing noises. Charlie pressed himself more firmly against David. David tried to ignore the fact that Charlie was standing between his thighs and their groins lined up perfectly. 

After a long moment, Charlie's sobs grew quieter and petered out in a long sigh. 

"You make me feel safe," Charlie said. His face was still against David's shoulder and his voice was roughened from crying. "You always have." 

David grimaced, because he had failed to keep him safe. 

"Even then," Charlie continued as if he could hear David's thoughts. "Thank God I wasn't alone." 

"I'm glad I was there," he admitted, "instead of out searching for you." 

"They wouldn't have let us go, would they, even after they got the ransom." 

"Probably not. Simpson was more focused on the revenge than the money." 

"Yeah." 

They stood there for a moment, arms still around each other. 

"David?" Charlie said. "If I do something, promise not to hit me or yell at me?" 

"Don't…" David whispered. 

But Charlie was already turning his head and their lips met softly. Charlie's lips moved over David's and David could not help but respond. Soon he was kissing him gently, his tongue flickering out to meet Charlie's. The kiss was warm and easy, their arms still wrapped around each other. Charlie made a soft noise in his throat as he felt David's goatee. David's heart thudded in his chest as he thought about how he was the first man Charlie had ever kissed. 

Resting his forehead against David's, Charlie said, "I've analyzed our typical movement patterns, yours and mine, and realized that we are almost never alone together. The odds are 4.9% that we'd be alone in a vehicle together when we got grabbed." 

David jerked back. "You think I planned it?" 

"No! No. I've just always been skeptical of the idea of luck before, and thinking maybe I should re-evaluate that position." 

David leaned his forehead back against Charlie's. He'd always been a big believer in luck, good and bad. At the moment, he couldn't decide whether standing here with his arms around Charlie was good luck or bad luck. 

Charlie lifted his chin and they returned to kissing, their tongues gliding unhurriedly across each other. David let one hand slide up and bury itself in Charlie's soft hair. 

Charlie pulled back a fraction again. "But why? Why are we never together? I think you care about me, like me, but you hardly ever talk to me, let alone come over for dinner." 

David's lips reclaimed Charlie's, but not for long. 

"Or don't you like me? Do I get on your nerves? I get on a lot of people's nerves." 

David sighed. 

"What am I missing here?" Charlie asked. "Could you be avoiding me _because_ you like me? That doesn't make any sense. Talk to me David, please? The truth this time?" 

David sighed again and closed his eyes. He fought for a moment with his natural reticence, but Charlie has asked him for the truth and he owed him so much. 

He opened his eyes and cupped Charlie's cheeks in his hands. "I think you are the most amazing person I have ever met - and I'm not just talking about the math. I love talking with you and hanging out with you, but I can't do it. It's torture, because I can't have you." 

"Why can't you?" Charlie whispered, wide-eyed. 

"Right, your 'science experiment'. What happens after that, Charlie?" He stroked Charlie's chin with a thumb. "I can't close my eyes without seeing you already, can't get through one minute without thinking about what we were forced to do to each other. How would it be after we voluntarily were together?" 

"It would be good? We'd know, then, and not wonder?" 

David shook his head. "Wondering about heaven is better than visiting heaven then getting shut out again." 

"Heaven…" Charlie repeated. "Having sex with me would be like heaven?" 

David laughed dryly. "Just being with you like this is heaven. There'd have to be a plane beyond heaven to describe sex." 

"Wow, I…" 

"But I'm Lucifer," David reminded him. "I get kicked out of heaven. I'm gay, Charlie, remember? And you're not." 

"Right…" Charlie said. He pulled David's mouth back to his and began kissing him with much more fervor. Between kisses, he said, "Maybe I could try being gay." 

David snorted. "It doesn't work that way. You're born gay or you're not." 

"Human sexuality is a spectrum, not a strict dichotomy, and all I know right now is I want to become more intimate with your body." His hands slid down to David's zipper. 

David pushed Charlie away. "No." 

Charlie stared at him, disbelief visible on his face, then he wrapped his arms around himself. "You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pushing you like this, I'm being horrible. I'm just trying to make sense of it all." 

"There's no sense in it," David snapped. "It was a crime. You can't make sense out of it. And if you try to do something with me to make sense out of it, it will…" 

_It will kill me._

David stopped speaking abruptly and stared at Charlie. The numbness and despair that had infected him for the last 36 days vanished in a heady buzz. He hadn't succeeded in saving Charlie from the kidnappers, hadn't succeeded in saving him from being coerced into sex. Charlie was asking him for help now, and though David suspected that it was short-term help whose aftermath would destroy him, he had to help him. Hell, he _wanted_ to help him - right now, on this desk. 

"Okay," he said, reaching out to pull Charlie back to him. 

"What?" Charlie said. 

"If you want to try to use me as therapy," David said. "That's fine by me." 

"But…" 

David took Charlie's face between his hands and kissed him fervently. His job now was clear -- Let Charlie do whatever sexual experiments he wanted with David and help him work through the confusion and trauma of what had happened to him, but all the while hide from Charlie how it was breaking David's heart. 

Charlie responded to David's kiss, sliding one arm around David's neck. David ran his hands over Charlie's ass, then squeezed the asscheeks and pulled Charlie's groin hard against his own. 

"David…" Charlie panted and his hand was trying again to dig down to David's zipper. 

"Not here, Charlie," David said, though his mind was immediately filled with images of Charlie down on his knees before him, Charlie bent over the desk with David's hands spreading his asscheeks so his tongue could get nice and deep. 

"I've been thinking about angles and drag coefficients and how much better I can do it this time when I can use my hands," Charlie pleaded. 

"Not here," David repeated. "At my place. Tonight, if you want." 

"I want to…go down on you, then you on me, then you…fuck me again." 

David nodded and kissed him some more. Charlie wanted a complete replay of what had happened to them. It made sense somehow to Charlie, and David would go along with it. 

However, if Charlie only wanted this one replay, David wanted it to be at the best possible place - where he had access to premium lubricants and oils, and where David could imprint Charlie on his bed. And if the worst happened and Charlie freaked out before, during, or afterwards, Charlie wouldn't be running down the hall of the FBI office, half-clothed and sobbing about rape. 

"Tonight?" Charlie grumbled. "I guess your place would be more comfortable." He flashed David a smile. "I'd finally get to see your apartment." 

"That's right," David said. He'd have to go home early and give his place a quick cleaning. His heart was pounding with anticipation. 

He was going to have Charlie again. And this time it would be done right. 

He kissed Charlie deeply, then smiled down at him and squeezed his ass. "Until tonight, Dr. Eppes." 

Charlie's whole face lit up with a grin. "Until tonight, Agent Sinclair." 

"You better go now," David said with a last pat to his ass. "Or else I'm going to forget about that comfortable bed I have at my place and take you on this desk." 

Charlie looked so pleased and so much like his old self, that David knew he'd made the right choice. His body thrummed with excitement. His numbness was gone, replaced by anticipation for tonight and a cold, clear certainty about the future. 

Charlie picked up his file folders and, after one last kiss, let himself out of the room. 

David smiled after him and nodded to himself. This was how it should be. 

He was going to have a chance to make up for a small portion of his guilt over not stopping himself from raping Charlie. He had no doubt that sex with Charlie would be amazing, then it would be over. Maybe he'd get Charlie to spend the night, get to whisper his feelings into a sleeping Charlie's ear. But in a day or so, Charlie would go back to his life, and hopefully to some real therapy, and David would never be able to be around Charlie again. He'd walk away from Charlie, from LA, and probably even from the FBI. Because he was a rapist and couldn't live with himself. 

He'd done something unforgivable, but the kidnappers had failed to kill him. He'd actually given Blondie a gun and Blondie had failed to shoot him. Now David was going to hand the emotional equivalent of a gun to Charlie and hope that Charlie would aim true, and then make sure that Charlie didn't realize the damage he'd done until David was long gone. 

But between now and then he could enjoy a short stay in heaven. 

  



End file.
